During our first road trip together, our relationship was still kind of new. Certain boundaries have yet to be crossed. But spend a few hours driving around together, and well, boundaries go out the window and into the cool UK air.
We were about to go on a pretty long drive but my tummy, however, was in no condition to go on a long drive. It hurt like hell. I went to a drugstore and stood in front of the medical supplies storage for about five minutes where nothing really seemed to describe my symptoms. I needed a drug that said, "For when you feel like you are about to give birth to a baby elephant with spikes."
I decided I would just suck it up and got in the car. The problem was that, we were about to head out to an unknown turf which my guess was that there wouldn't be many restrooms along the way.
So we start driving, heading into the middle of nowhere, my contractions were about 5 minutes apart.
I didn't know if it was moving into the higher altitude, but the urge hit me to pass some gas. Now, at this point, I have not farted in front of my dearest (at least none that he knew about). But I had no choice. My colon decided to emit at that point one of those nasty, silent farts that I can only unimaginatively describe as stinky-poo. It was silent, so I thought maybe I'd get away with it. But then I realized about .000000000001 seconds after I did it, that he would most definitely know about it, and he would know too much. There was no way he could not have noticed, because it was the kind of flatulence you needed an iron lung for. I almost died from embarrassment.
I've never smelled a fart so fast and so bad. So right after it happened, I said to him, "Well, the good news is I feel better..."
But before I could even tell him the bad news, he got the bad news. He pretty much had his head out the window trying to suck in as much air as he could. He was laughing and gasping and not believing I was capable of such a thing. As we drove by, I think I saw trees dying and a couple of cows were like, "Oh babe, was that you?"
By that incident, I measured my dearest as a potential good life partner. One who will cover my ass as I’ll do his...hehe!
Welcome to paradise....
