Welcome to paradise....

Welcome to paradise....

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Penutup Karangan!

Gray? What gray? My house is white all over and it felt just like when we first moved in 5 years ago. Don’t ask me how it happened! The actual ritual of choosing the paint colour is a big blur to me now. Did I agree to the colour? Was I being hypnotized? Was I colour blind? Was I even there??? Oh well…!

BTW folks, I saw a head of hair today that startled me. I even gasped out loud at the atrocity. I think you could see this rats nest from space actually. NASA might be looking into it as we speak. This woman just didn't need to do this to herself. I think she needs to pin a note to her shirt every morning that reminds her it is 2007 and not 1985. Not only was it big, but it was.... oh goodness.... it was frosted! GAH!! It was backcombed so much that her biceps have got to be legendary as a result. I just hope the big hairdo is not coming back in fashion!

Anyway, in addition to this post, I want to wish all of you, Happy 50th Merdeka Day and a long Merdeka weekend! I'll be at Putrajaya for the fireworks show. If you see me there, don't be afraid to holler!


Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Rangkap ketiga!

Dr Klon as the master of the ceremony was da’bomb! Mila and Jac as entertainers were The Bomb! Aznil lived up to his pedestal as Malaysia’s no 1 host and managed to bring out the glamorous, lively and entertaining side of the dinner, his singing wasn’t that bad either. He was very witty albeit he was only interested in the single babes.
Don’t get me started on the pro entertainers! I didn’t expect much of the really miniature & petite first female winner of AF, especially after forgetting her lyrics for the gazzilionth time (Duuhh!), not to mention when she started dancing whilst looking at the band with her bony ass to the crowd (she was so small that the mic stand looked like a pole dancing apparatus!) and above all when she nauseatingly kept on saying ‘ye ke bang?’ Btw, even with 5 inch heels, she still measured like a dwarfed leprechaun from Penang! A friend of mine who’s about 6’3” went up the stage to hand her a flower….she was about the height of his knees practically staring at his… you know “Where the Sun Don’t Shine” or ‘ciknek’ (mind my Cambridge accent!) I was expecting Jac to make her most famous entry…Splatt! Flat on her face… nope didn’t happen. It’s not Jac without the soulful shriek and all. She reminds me of my beloved Mission 380’s speakers (small but LOUD!) I’m sure she has the ability to dislocate her jaws like a python cause I could see her tooth fillings from my seat.

So did we win anything?

What are the odds? Ratio of 120 prizes to 1500 guests….sentapz!!!

In all, it was oklah. Food was nice (FYI, we had Chinese). Company was great. The Tutti diCapo Tutti (Boss of all bosses…) who was in her normal elegant self, gave an inspiring bilingual speech. It was hilarious to see pictures of the award winners when they first joined the organization being projected on the screen when they received their awards on stage. And like all award shows, there was a controversial moment, when they announced the best dressed lady of that night. If that’s the benchmark then I believe all the ladies at the office are extremely elegant every single day of the week. Sadly the winner wasn’t yours truly (not in my 2nd hand choice of dress).

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Isi Karangan-rangkap kedua!

Ok, my Saturday was a busy day. A very crazy day. It just isn’t my day if it didn’t start with any kind of drama. I woke up very sudden with my dream still fresh on my mind where I was the centre of attraction at the annual dinner because I was only wearing a ribbon, a red hat and nothing else! Why? Beats me! I don’t know why too.

Anyway, I got panicked, jumped out of bed, went to the closet and sighed in relief knowing that the dress that I had picked for the night was safe and sound. Then my day started…yada yada..mandi manda..yada yada..cooked breakfast…yada yada..grocerries shopping at Tesco…yada yada…bought shoes for the dinner...yada yada…bought paints..etc.

By the time we got back home, it was already 2pm, quickly whipped up lunch, feed the rest of the family, rest a bit and by then it was 4pm. I took my bath and thoroughly scrubbed my hair (I was planning to just let my hair flows down the dress. Then it happened!

There was a rip in my dress!!!!

A rip in my dress!

I nearly fainted from panicking! If ever there was a time I was supposed to die from panic attack, that would have been the time. 3 more hours to go and there I was practically dismantling the wardrobe to find another dress.

I found one! But encountered another problem.

It has mandarin collar which means I have to ‘sanggulkan’ my hair. With my favourite hairdresser being so far away (the down side of living kat tempat jin bertendang) and time is definitely not on my side, I had no choice but to find a local hair saloon. I must have spent at least half an hour trying to find a suitable looking hair saloon which never once crossed my mind was going to be difficult to find. But it was and I did eventually found one.

I told her what I wanted and she said yessiree. 20 mins into the job, she still hasn’t got it. My head was hurting with too much hair pulling and poking hair pins. I was already upset over the dress, tense because of the time limit, so you really cannot blame me when I suddenly just stood up, gave the hair dresser RM10 for her effort and just left without explanation. I was so upset over her incompetency that I just didn’t trust myself to say another word without being rude so I just let it be!

Got back home, completed my make up in record time and attempted to sanggul my own hair. Considering my inept ability at hair styling, I think I did pretty ok.

According to my dearest, I looked ravishing (of course I was holding a scissor then, to trim off the escape tendrils). By 7pm, we were ready to roll!

Check out the bulu mata!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Permulaan Karangan!

'Pengecat Jujur Terakhir'? Never again! For those who have requested my services, sorry morry naik lorry, this PJT has hang her last brush...penat siot!

Friday, August 24, 2007

What's ahead!

My persistence finally paid off. I found the "Pengecat Jujur Yang Terakhir" in KL. It'll be hard work, it'll be tiring but I will save a lot of money. I’ve stepped on some toes and upset some folks whilst going from quotations to quotations. It's a dirty job my dearest was not willing to do.

I'm all for gray. I know it's hard to envision gray looking good, but trust me. It just takes a little more imagination.... or some alcoholic beverages. Even that Eric guy would be proud? surprise? balked?

Well, it looks like I’m all booked up for this weekend. Saturday got to doll up for our annual dinner. Sunday got to doll down for my role as "Pengecat Jujur Yang Terakhir"!

Have a nice weekend folks!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Dreaming of pillow and bed!

Oh man, I am tired right now. I'd kill for a nap. But then I'd probably feel all guilty for killing someone just to get something as simple as a nap, so I doubt I'd be able to sleep. And I'm not sure killing anyone would ever result in getting a nap. You can't kill someone and get sleep. Well, I mean, you could kill someone and then go to sleep, but you wouldn't get sleep from killing them. You could get PDA or an iPod from killing someone, but not sleep. You could get a bed and a pillow from the person you just killed as well, I suppose, but the actual act of sleep would not be gotten from killing anyone.

Ok, I'm rambling nonsense here. I'm really sleepy, so sue me!

So! What's up everyone?

Like I said, I am tired. Last night we got back late because of the Australian fireworks display at Putrajaya. Sufficient to say there were lotsa Ohhh and Ahhh and Ohhhh again..wtf! Then got stuck in the stupid traffic jam driving back home...wtf!

I'm really sleepy and the stupid wet weather offers no help!

Bring it on uols!

Mak sungguh kecewa!

Our annual dinner is this Saturday but yet there was hardly any peep about it. Back at my old work place, a month before the actual dinner, there would be some competitions, quizzes or fashion shows in line with the theme for the dinner. Everywhere you go you would hear snatches of conversation of people exchanging tips on the costumes with mounting excitement. There would be banners or posters around the workplace and once in a while you will get emails from the committee on dressing tips for that night. It was a big thing.

For a shopaholic, the whole thing would bring on continuous orgasm. For normal people, the event would equal a fashion gala or some awards event. In my gang, we had a gay friend who was most skilled in turning our sad ugly faces into something recognizably cute. And don’t talk about the prizes! In every 3 person, one would always win something, it was THAT good.

But here! Nada! Yilek! Zilch! Even the prizes I heard were like 50 people to 1? So when you said lucky draw, it’s really for the very very lucky ones! With my recent mud bath record, luck is definitely not on my side..uhuk..uhuk

Looks like financial wiz don’t know how to have fun. I wonder if I can revolutionize the whole event next year. Will my ideas be accepted or will I be kicked out the door? First, let’s just pray that my luck would change by Saturday!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Fonen's world!

Warning! This post is not suitable for children. Crazy sisters, if you are reading this, Shoo! Go away!

Over the weekend, whilst visiting the new mom (of the twins), Ally introduced me to a whole new blogging world. In this world, people talk in a language that you don’t recognized. Even the Klingon and Jar Jar Binks’ languages were easier to decipher. To quote SmellyMelly, ‘it’s like these people wake up one morning and instantly know the talk’! Here, it will be a whole new experience, an eye opener to the less experience or in my case, the innocent *hoh*. To guide you on your first journey, I’ve nicely penned the following for you (courtesy of Ally McBeal):

janz = jantan
pecs = pecah
lobs = lubang
sentapz = marah
dinch = tidak
sawana = sauna
dosi = sudah
bors = borak
mat susly = mat saleh
cikloi = bj
cikcap = masturbate
tutjubs = cucuk ass
ciktut = membontot
cikcut = pancut

ciknek = lemang

Afterall, sharing is caring! *wink*

p/s This just came in! FYI, Lee has also won the Lifetime Achievement award for GBA 2007. Makes me more hooked unto his blog *hugs & kudos to you Lee*! Thanks to AphroditeKuzz for updating us!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Rain rain go away...

So what happened to me over the weekend? I was in jail for a couple of days. No, just kidding. I was in front of the TV watching all the premier league matches Live all weekend. Nope, I’d rather die. I'm working on a secret mission to assassinate William Hung. Another fib.

The truth is less melodramatic but more embarrassing!

Do you know that the heaviest of downpours is rated a ‘Nine” like Fujita5 for the tornados. Why nine and not ten you may ask?...cause it’s raining feline & canines…get it….anyway , last Sunday, I was in Morib for a wedding when the weather did exactly that!! And it happened exactly at the time when the rombongan makcik kiah sebelah the groom was supposed to make the grand entrance. The rain was so heavy and sudden that the groom had to change his expansive Michael Jacko groom-like shoes into selipor J (Jepun or Jamban). Not even to a classier pirated Crocs from Carrefour but the humble FungKeong selipor Jepun! The poor guy.

Anyway, to continue with the story, looking at the way the rain was pouring, we knew it was gonna be one of those never ending kinda rain so we decided to just go ahead with the scheduled plan and started berarak from the rumah bersanggah to the bride’s house which was just around a bend about 100 meters away armed with umbrellas and all. I noticed the Kompang was playing double time to rush us.

And the moment we got to the bend, lo and behold! Banjir hokay! Banjir giler and berlumpur!!! I experienced panic attacked trying to work out how to navigate the water in my 2 inch stilettos!

With the warrior bugis blood that lies in my vein, I pulled up my kain and stepped into the puddle!

Bloooooody hellllllll!

My feet went right through the water into the depth of mud water nearly up to my paha and in the process of preventing myself of falling further into the hole, I scraped my hand on some hard wood and had to let go of my kain.

Somebody pulled me out. I was wet! Wet like a cat that got drown and lived again and got drown again!

Ohmeegod, even whilst writing this story, I can feel my neck thicken with mortification. I wished then that the earth would open up and swallowed me alive. Never before had I felt more ashamed than I did last Sunday.

Details that followed were hazy or rather I don’t want to remember so that I won’t slur myself further.

But note to myself, never laugh at people who has selipar jepun in their car and never ever set foot in Morib again.

Come to think of it, I got lots of embarrassing stories now. I think if I were to label my posts, I can actually make a whole kemaluan besar category on its own.

What about you? You got any kemaluan besar story that can beat mine or not?

Monday, August 20, 2007

Lack of time!

Today started off poorly. I woke up later than I should have. I was late for work by a long shot. Not good. I had been good for a long time, but today ruined me. It was like an ex-con breaking parole for some stupid shit.

But I had a good reason! Interested to know? Tomorrow I’ll spill! Be patience my grasshoppers! Be patience!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

hair mop!

I just got a haircut and I noticed a lot more grey hairs on the cape. Damn you, job!

Today's stylist wasn't a talker, so I was happy about that. She just asked the usual questions and I mumbled the usual, "Not too short, mumble mumble, just don't mess it up, please."

She did a fine job. I might even go back. I am like a one night stand for hair cutters. I rarely go to the same person twice. I used to go to this auntie in Melawati that I liked. Although, she was a talker, she could cut a good head. But I stopped going because she did a botched up job on my dearest that I was forbidden to go there again.

Anyway, today's chick asked how I would like the cut. As usual I would be combing the hair book from front to back to select the hair styles that I might like. One minute I would be thinking that I would want curly hair, next minute it would be straight long layered hair, then within next few seconds my choices would range from short wavy hair to medium crew cut. But when the moment the hairdresser asked me the question, my answer never varies!! I would say, "just trim a few inches."

That’s the reason why I still have the same hairstyle as I did Jurassic years ago!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Rambling nonsense!

So I recently have started going to the gym. And even more recently, I started going to the gym during lunch hour (I prefer to go back home early), so it's nice that there aren't that many people there. But there is this one dude who I seem to be on a similar schedule with. He is the kind of guy that looks like he throws elephants for a living, and when he works out he sounds like he is shitting lava. So he's huge and loud. He will also talk to himself when trying to lift the entire gym. He'll be like, "Come on! Yeah! Grrr!!!!!!"

The other day I heard him from across the gym, and I heard him say, "What do you want for dinner?" I was so excited because he was actually talking to his muscles! But then I realized he was on his cell phone asking someone about dinner. Ok, so it’s not that funny! But now every time I see him, I picture him standing in front of the mirror talking to his muscles about dinner.

"What do you want for dinner? Grrr! Need a refill on that juice? YEAH, you DO! Roar!! Would you like fresh fruit on your French Toast for an extra push up? Come on!"Oh well.

That's about all I have to report to you. I'm off today to get meself a haircut. Chiao!

Friday, August 10, 2007

Shit happens!

Well, actually this post has nothing shity in it lah….one of those sajer sajer moments.

I just want to let you know about the seventh stall in the ladies toilet in Sogo. People enjoy it, because it is the farthest away from the door. You know, so it feels the most private (and also the cleanest). Well, lately it has become fairly disgusting.

First, someone wrote on the wall a few weeks ago. I’ve read many writing on toilet walls because it amuses me and keep me entertain whilst im doing my business. Some of them can be funny.

Anyway, someone wrote on the wall, "What country is this?" And below that is a "drawing" which is basically a very uneven decagon. As hopeless as I am in geography, even I am pretty sure this is not a rendering of any country. It's just some hoodlum that wants to get a dialogue going on whilst crapping. So her question goes unanswered for a few weeks, but then the other day, an answer!

Beneath the question "What country is this?" now reads, "Yourbuttistan?"

See what I mean by funny :D

Have a great weekend folks!

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Behold-Mistress of the Ceremony!

2 hectic days last weekend and I got to unwind by attending a 2 days course. Ahh…the balance of life!

What I learned over the weekend:

My debut as MC went quite well! I wasn’t as witty as Ellen Degeneras or as I wanted to be but most importantly, I did not screw up. Good enough for me to accept another MC stint in September *crazy*.

Cheeky bom bom is at the age where she’s embarrassed to be kissed/hug/cradle by her parents in public in front of her friends *bummer*

I’ve discovered another talent that I could probably put to use…face painting! The foodtarian birthday bash was on Saturday and my dearest sane sister trusted me enough (read me! not the crazy sisters! but me!) to leave my dobby mark on the poor unsuspecting victims…err…the children!

And today? Today I can barely see the top of my desk! Have a good day ahead guys… :(

Thursday, August 02, 2007

2 people sits on a tree K.I.S.S.I.N.G

A friend of mine asked me what my definition of true love was. I couldn’t answer her on the spot. You can Google the subject and receive thousands of meaning but to me it all sounded a wee bit too stringent, too structured and some sounded pathetic & crappy which didn’t leave much room for non-conformity and spontaneity. So after much thought, I give you minah sepet’s definition of true love…

True love is……..

When a woman wakes up without her makeup the morning after (air liur basi and all); you still love her

When a woman walks around naked with her hanging breast slapping her knees and her tummy jiggling like Jabba the Hutt with her every sway; you still love her

When a guy manages to shoot everywhere but the toilet bowl; you still love him

When a guy sits with his legs widespread on the sofa watching football with a protruding belly so big that without the mirror in the bedroom he can’t see his nuts, losing hair follicles until the scalp is as shiny as his chromed wheel caps but still acts as if he is Sivaji The Boss; you still love him

When the moment of truth dawns on you, you take a look at the person sleeping next to you snoring like a bull that has lost its horn, and then you say to yourself “I love this person!”

Now that is love.

To me, it’s just a matter of give and take…. What I give u take lah!

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

I'm a wuss...yet another time!

We had a PTA meeting few days ago to discuss the upcoming sport’s day (the one which I’m supposed to be MC, incase ya’ll have forgotten…damn shit) and I was feeling really really sleepy. The ‘cikgu besar’ was droning on and on about who has to do what and bla bla bla and mak being so mengantuk, was just about to doze off went I noticed something black darting across the room and I quickly jumped up the chair and scream ‘TIKUS’! (don’t laugh but I’m really not fond of Cik Ti due to past experience which has traumatized me to this day) Turned out it was just a black kitten but the silence that followed my shriek was deafening!

Stop laughing you!

I stammered my apology citing my lack of sleep for the reason, climbed down the chair, sat down and fiddled with my fingers.

Finally the silence regained but I could hear silent giggles and clearly see everyone shivering so hard, trying to contain their laughter. The ‘cikgu besar’ even teased me about the extra activities I did the night before that had made me so sleepy.

I was mortified; it was not funny at all. Obviously it didn’t stop there. I was still being teased till the end of the meeting.

Aiyoh, don’tlah tease me…..small my heart you know….! It's not often that I can be a drama queen...give chancelah!